Dating an Australian: A Malaysian perspective

Getting into a relationship itself is something most people look forward to but I often wonder, will the dating experience be the same for two person from different culture. Personally, I always know that I wouldn't consider dating someone from a culture different from mine, as I always believe that it would be hard for both of us to adapt the differences. But, what if a couple from different culture dates? I spoke to a close friend of mine, Rae. We had known each other for about 20 years now and so I thought she would be suit to tell me all about the culture challenges as her partner is Australian and that they had been dating for more than 3 years now.

Rae, 23 years old this year have been in Melbourne for 4.5 years. She first came to Australia for studies where she did her bachelor in English Literature in University of Melbourne. Kathy, 25 years old is a local Australian who did her bachelor in Finance in University of Melbourne as well. Both of them did not know each other through university, but through a common friend of theirs. I asked Rae about her experience in Melbourne and moving on, both their thoughts about dating someone from different culture

Credits: heyalex10

Q: Can you tell me your overall experience in Australia?

R: It was great. I would say I'm actually very lucky when I first arrive in Melbourne. I met a lot of friends who are willing to show me around and they are very kind to me. They brought me to museums and showed me around Melbourne. I think it is very important to be able to have local friends like this that helped me adapt quick to Melbourne.

Q: What made an impact that made who you are today?

R: Even though my University friends played a really important part in shaping my social circles, but we only see each other once or twice a week. We rarely meet up outside classes and therefore your workplace is the one that actually help me grow to who I am now. I got my first job at Maccas and that 2 years there made me who I am today. I was so young back then, 18 years old and I was so happy when I first got the job. I worked really hard, I took midnights shift as well as early morning shift. Maccas is the place where I really connect with my co-workers, which in turn adapting to the Australian culture and through that I made a lot of local Australian friends. That's why now whenever I meet any of my Malaysian friends, I would always advise them to get out of their comfort zone. Go get a job, or join some clubs. Expand your circle! Also, if it's not because of Maccas, I would not have met Kathy today.

Author note: Kathy was a friend of Rae's co-worker and they knew each other through a house party. They slowly got closer after that.

Q: Any major differences after you all started dating? Was it any different?

R: I feel that it's not too much of a difference to be honest especially I'm not very "Malaysian" in a sense that I do not have too much of Malaysian's mindset. Sometimes, I may disagree with some concepts that is widely acknowledge in Malaysia itself, where I get reverse culture shock when I returned to Malaysia (laugh).

Author note: Rae had been known as a very outgoing girl ever since I know her at 3 years old. We grew up together through elementary school all the way to now in our adulthood. She was stereotyped as the westernized young girl back then. Therefore, I could totally understand when she said she's not very Malaysian in a sense that the way she was brought up is quite westernized.

R: And for Kathy herself, she's not very Australian as well. Yes, she's born and brought up here but there's much more of the Asian aspect in her. (note: Kathy is local Australian-Vietnamese)

K: Well, I've had a lot of Asian friends from different culture background, mostly Malaysians and Singaporeans. And to be honest, I didn't knew that Rae was non-Australian too, that made up the part where she mentioned she's not very "Malaysian". I never expect myself to date a non-Australian and Rae is an exception.

Q: Was there any major challenges in any of the cultural aspect?

R: I wouldn't say there's a big challenge for us in the cultural aspect. We do share similar challenge most couple face, putting away the difference in our cultural background. One thing I could say that may be the case for our cultural difference is the tone. I feel that Malaysians are very sensitive with tone. Different tone of speaking could mean differently for us and we might perceive that they're being mean. But for Australians, they say whatever they think and they are very straightforward.

K: As Australian, like most westerners, we usually say whatever that we thought of, without giving too much thought. But maybe when I communicate with Rae, she will feel that I'm being mean or saying something rude. So that kinda lead to miscommunication for us. Every since we started dating, I feel that I'm more conscious about my tone and way of speaking (Laughs)

(Author note: While reading some articles about cultural difference, I came across this article comparing Australian culture with other parts of the world. One keypoint that was highlighted was that "there's no beating among the bush". The author expressed his thoughts and experience on how Australian were so direct to the point(Matthews Down Under, 2017). He also discussed other points on Australia's cultural difference which I find interesting)

Q: I heard you all went back to Malaysia for Qing Ming? How was the experience?

(Note: Qing Ming is a Chinese cultural tradition which is called the tomb-sweeping day in english. Chinese pay respect to their ancestor by cleaning their gravesite.)

R: For Malaysians, especially Chinese I feel, Qing Ming is a very big thing. Bringing your partner back for Lunar New Year is just the first step, but Qing Ming is on another level. It's a way of getting recognition from the family.

K: It was a different experience for me as I've not had any similar experience myself because we do not really have similar tradition where we pay visit to our ancestors to clean the gravesite. I was a little anxious as well. I'm just worried I might ruin anything or do anything that I'm not supposed to do. In general, it was just great to see that families reunite to pay respect to their ancestors together on this day.

Q: Anything that you guys wanna add before I end this interview?

R: I think it doesn't matter if there's any difference in your cultural background, just be open minded. This applies to being in a relationship or just meeting new people in Australia. Having an open mind set is very important no matter where you are, and I believe you will be able to grow by meeting different people from different culture.

K: I may receive several complaints from some of my Malaysian friends that their classmates does not wants to initiate conversation with them. From my perspective, most Australian are very open and we are always willing to make new friends from different culture because Australia itself is quite a mixing pot of different culture. But if you exclude yourself, it is very hard for us to open up as well. Cheers!

#AustralianVSMalaysian #Couple #CultureDifference